• Adrian Barclay

Coronavirus silver lining awaits Dutton's health status

Please please please please please please. We need this, begs the nation.

In Australia's bleakest hour, we need hope and a positive sign that everything will be alright.

Senior medical sources have confirmed that a top secret mission is currently underway to poison Dutton's saline drip with Bob Brown's saliva. It is understood that this mix will be potent enough, given his weakened immune system, to end his reign, once and for all.

To ensure no further mishaps, Liberal moderates are scouring Queensland and Canberra for any horcruxes that the dark lord may have planted for his next rising.

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