• Adrian Barclay

CSIRO begin search for intelligent life within the Nats

In a world first, the CSIRO is attempting to create an EEG machine sensitive enough to detect brain activity in National Party of Australia members.

"Modern science has been puzzled for decades on how the Nationals breathe, walk and talk without any detectable brain activity. It's extraordinary," said Chief Scientist, Maxi Dossenger.

It's not clear who will be the first member of parliament to be tested for brain synapses.

"Not Barnaby, that's for sure," joked Mr Dossenger. "We might need to wait for quantum computing for that.

Funding for the project is coming from the private sector, namely the Business Council of Australia.

BCA CEO Waverly Smitherton says "we want the research to give us some sort of insight on how to deal with these morons. They have access to some of the best research and brightest minds in the country and they can't form a sentence let alone a coherent policy.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison is also interested in the findings.

"How do you reason with idiots? That's what I want to learn. Or, at least in the absence of that, find some bright lights or something to distract them. The barn animals have taken over the farm."

More to come.

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