• Pablo Thoreau

Earth's precious old blokes put on mandatory lockdown, just to be safe. 

In a move being applauded by all sides of politics, international legends and all-round good guys David Attenborough and Morgan Freeman have been moved to an isolated facility until the COVID-19 crisis blows over.

While the location of the facility remains a closely guarded secret, sources confirm it has a heavily armed private security detail, and that all services are provided by robots to minimise the spread of disease.

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