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  • Pablo Thoreau

GoFundMe executives cheering as Coronavirus hits the USA. 

Looking forward to skimming a few percent off the top of millions of donations, the Chief Exec of a large crowd-funding website spent today browsing high-end car dealerships and jewellers with his wife.

"We're going to be absolutely rolling in it by the end of this year, as long Bernie doesn't win and fix the health system" laughed CEO Tim Cadogan.

GoFundMe has spent the last 5 years slowly replacing publicly funded healthcare in America, playing off the fact that most people won't pay a couple of bucks a year in extra tax for universal healthcare, but will gladly donate $350 to each sick individual in their social circle.

"We're gonna get some real sad ones outta this whole debacle. Once a few of our best customers cop it (toddlers, cancer survivors and single mums) - we're going to take a few weeks off and go to Italy. Private jet, of course."

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