• Adrian Barclay

Holden axing means Fords are finally better

Tempers and mullets no longer flare in the Ford vs Holden rivalry as General Motors plans to axe Australia's only remaining car brand by the end of 2020.

Holden is king of the mountain and pride of Australia with 33 Bathurst wins versus Ford's 21.

"This may even dial the temperature down so far that we can serve full-strength booze at Summernats next year," said motor racing commentator Chuck Trackson.

Chuck quickly retracted his comments though. "Nah, on second thoughts mate these bogans will find any excuse to get aggressive and tribalise. We had two fellas go at it with money wrenches last year over tyre brands. Best we stick to the light beer."

Unfortunately for Canberra locals, Holden's demise doesn't mean that Summernats is canned for 2021. Local mother, Wendy Surgiss, would rather the event come to an end.

"You know Summernats is on in Canberra when men in public shout 'show us your tits' to my 13-year-old daughter as she's walking to school. I think Commodores and Falcons must be capable of time-travel transport of bogans from 35 years ago," Wendy complained.

As the end of the Holden vs Ford era dawns, historians say this now completes the fiercest and strangest rivalry in the history of sport.

"This phenomenon really shows how boring motor racing is and how contriving a rivalry between motor vehicles is the best the sport marketers could come up with,"said Prof. Locaties.

"Are Red Bull and Monster fans now going to form factions? When does this shit end?"

The Masthead, regrettably, will continue to monitor developments in the motor racing industry to provide you with the latest updates.

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