• Adrian Barclay

Lippy Kane ruins Friday night drinks by getting on the rack

Marching powder, and a friend of a friend, Kane, make for a painful companions.

Kane, whose mouth operates a smoke machine for his arse, has become intolerable on a cocktail of cocktails and cocaine this evening.

Dan, Pete and James drink every Friday to blow off a bit of steam and relieve the absurdity of the modern salaryman's office existence.

Unbeknown to Dan and Pete, James invited childhood friend Kane along. Kane's unwelcome introduction doesn't stop him from poorly reading the room, confidently espousing low-rent views. Mind-blowing self-indulgence ensues.

Three cocktails in, Kane calls a dealer.

Dan and Pete's prospect for an enjoyable night nosedive.

Cocaine, well known for its ego and talk boosting properties, almost always flies through the nostrils of Australia's most obnoxious characters. Those who least need it use it. And those who least need to hear from the obnoxiati under cocaine's brief spell suffer from soul-crushing shit talk.

One hour later, Dan and Pete's ears have doubled their workload while their eyes dart longingly for the exit doors.

Tonight's drinks will end earlier than expected. That much is certain.

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