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  • Adrian Barclay

Old-timer recalls when you had to kill an Austrian archduke or invade Poland to start a world crisis

Bloody snowflakes, laments Rodney. "A bank collapse in the US or a virus from a market in China? We did it better in my day."

"You've got a whole nuclear arsenal there in the United States and Russia. Why don't you softies give it a proper nudge like I did when I was young?"

World War One famously started when the heir to the Austria-Hungarian Archduke empireFranz Ferdinand was assassinated.

World War Two began after Hitler invaded Poland.

The last world crises kicked of after Lehman Brothers collapsed in worthless subprime mortgages and this one from abysmal hygiene in a Wuhan market and the subsequent spread of a virus.

Rodney advised The Masthead to "harden the fuck up" and then refused to comment further, spitting his dentures into a cup and contorting his face.

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