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  • Pablo Thoreau

Peter Dutton put in charge of new "Melbourne Island" detention towers.

One of Australia's most beloved public servants has today been granted stewardship over the renamed "Melbourne Island", in an effort to help contain the spread of COVID-19.


After a proven track-record of helping to keep vulnerable families from minority communities safe and secure, Mr. Dutton was ecstatic to be given the new role. "Nine towers, three-thousand people. It gives us lots of room to experiment."


"It's fantastic" said Peter, speaking to the Masthead today. "These, let's call them people I guess, need to be kept safe. I can't think of a better way to keep the same than razor-wire fences, armed patrols and GPS tracking monitors."


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